You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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