hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
