it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
