apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
