If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
