It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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