yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The uberlube is also flammable
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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