That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
