They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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