But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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