Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
