i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
