I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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