is your mom at the bar?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
