Where is the hickey?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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