Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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