do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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