oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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