If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
