I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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