spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
