I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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