Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
