it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
