You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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