Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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