I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
