We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
