Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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