I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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