its not stalking. its research.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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