you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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