This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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