I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
