My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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