I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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