right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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