I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize