I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
