She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
