I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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