wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
