Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
