i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
