My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
