i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
