She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
