got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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