I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
