Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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