then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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