There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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