Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
