A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
