if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
