who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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