do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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