it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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