Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
