is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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