Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just invented taco cereal.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
