Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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