You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
