he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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