the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
