You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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