you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
