when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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