Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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