i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
