So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
