i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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