Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
