He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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